Working changes you completely, long before one can realise. Just chatted with an ex-colleague from my previous part-time shop. After telling her about my situation at work now, she gave a comment me becoming a cunning despicable person in the future.

I was kind of blur at that point of time when she said that. But be it a joke or a real warning, it worries me alot. It goes like this:

Didnt have a good impression of someone in my working place. Maybe just not the same frequency or wat. However i have a lot of working hours with her. When we eat, we would eat together in the staff room. Despite the fact that i dun like the idea, i would start talking or try to find a topic. Sometimes i joke and laugh and suan1 just like with any other friends.

When i think back, i felt like such a hypocrite. Why bother to talk when i dun feel like to? There were alot of contradictions within. I feel that showing out all one's temper and not talking to someone one dislike inspite of the need for work communication is simply childish. Moreover, i cannot take awkward silence. I dun pity someone who has noone to talk to, but i will die if the awkward silence last throughout the whole break. Thus i will talk, or try to create topic at least.

On the other hand, thats so damn fake right?

Maybe i just wan to know her better. Maybe i just wanted to find out the charming side of her. Maybe i cannot stand it if she dislikes me (cos only i can dislike her). Maybe i wan to disarm her having any negative impression of me. Maybe i am trying to pose myself as the nice girl. Maybe i am typing this so my frens will tell me "Hey,u r not k, dun worry" and stand by me. Maybe i will just become a cunning monster in the future.

Whatever the outcome may be. Seriously hope i wun turn out that way. If your ever notice that i have the signs of turning into a vicious monster, pls cleanse me, i thank you from my heart.